Mini-Reflection #89 (8th September 2024 at Essex Church / Kensington Unitarians)
I wanted to include that poem from Brian Bilston (‘Message to the 14-Year-Old Me’) to reflect the ambivalence that many people seem to have when it comes to encouragement – particularly self-encouragement. It plays up to a kind-of British stereotype: a bit self-deprecating, a bit wary of puffing yourself up, perhaps a defence mechanism of not wanting to aim too high or get your hopes up. Looking back at his teenage self, the poet doesn’t wish he could cheer himself on to greater things or build himself up, but instead encourages himself to aspire to a ‘basic level of competence in a limited number of simple, unremarkable things’. And that’s not a bad approach to life! But in today’s service I want to encourage you to be rather more bold in your encouraging (of self and others).
To very slightly paraphrase Ralph Waldo Emerson: we each need daily praise and encouragement from others to help us live at our best, as we cannot flourish alone. It’s kind-of stating the obvious but we most need encouragement when we are feeling discouraged. And think of the origins of the word – to give courage, to hearten, to make strong – it means to inspire with hope – to build someone up so they can face the day, do what needs to be done, maybe stretch themselves a little (or a lot). And it’s not always obvious who is feeling discouraged. It’s not just the people who are obviously in difficulty. I suspect we all know people who seem to be doing well in life – who, on the surface, don’t seem to be struggling – but we never know how much stress other people are dealing with or how much effort it’s taking to keep up appearances. Often those people who are holding it together for others, the ones we rely on most, can feel taken for granted and underappreciated. Everyone needs encouragement. Encouraging words are never wasted and can help us keep going.
In the first reading today we heard that line of scripture – the words of St Paul in his letter to the Thessalonians – ‘Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.’ And it’s a recurrent theme in his messages to the early church. Part of the very purpose of church, of any such spiritual gathering, is to be a community of mutual encouragement. Encouragement to keep going when times are hard – as they so often are – and to cope with whatever life throws at us. Encouragement to stick at a challenging task – to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off when we face setbacks or apparent failures – and to try again until we make progress, flourish, and grow. Encouragement to do the things we aren’t sure we can do – that we fear we might not be up to – that we might dream of doing, but we lack confidence, and we aren’t sure about making the leap. Encouragement to keep doing the good things we’re already doing – as acknowledgement of our hard work and achievements – as an antidote to feeling our efforts are overlooked or undervalued. As Sarah Abell said in the first reading – let’s take every opportunity to encourage others – put your affirmations in writing so that people can return to them for a little lift when morale is low – show your appreciation to strangers, especially people in service jobs, and brighten their day – and let’s not wait until people have died to say nice things about them! Say it now. And often.
Over the years I really have experienced this congregation as a community of encouragement – this is especially evident in our small groups like Heart and Soul I think – regulars in these groups get to hear about each other’s lives and struggles, hopes and dreams, and check in with each other about how things are going. So much spontaneous encouragement happens in Heart and Soul! And looking back over my last 25 years here there are so many examples I could mention about people – mostly elders of the congregation – who have encouraged me in various ways and helped me to flourish and grow. I want to say: Ramona, our warden, is one of the greatest natural encouragers I’ve met and somehow she always manages to lift me up on Sunday mornings no matter what I’m worrying about when I arrive. But I can cast my mind back all the way to Art Lester, who was minister when I first came to Essex Church, I remember him saying when I was in my mid-twenties, ‘when you train for ministry I’ll be your mentor’. And I’d not said anything to anyone back then – not even to myself – about the vaguest inkling of being a minister! I was so cripplingly anxious and shy that it seemed an absurd thought – something completely out of reach – but it was a subtle nudge which helped to shift my thinking about what might be possible for me… eventually. And then I think about Patricia Walker-Hesson, who was one of the great matriarchs of the congregation at that time, she saw how I loved small groups here at church and realised that I would really benefit from going to summer school – so not only did she keep mentioning it, and putting the application form in my hand, but she arranged funding – and then she drove me all the way to Hucklow herself. She saw what would be good for me and then encouraged me in practical ways by removing a number of the obstacles that might have stopped me going to this event that changed my life. I’ve got loads of other examples of the encouragement I’ve received here down the years. And I hope I’ve given out encouragement to others in turn.
Often I express encouragement via the medium of pom-poms – if I ever wish you pom-poms it’s in the sense of being your virtual cheerleader – standing on the sidelines and cheering you on. That’s why I’ve brought a load of literal pom-poms to church today – arranged on the table – and I invite you to take away a pom-pom to keep as a symbol of this community of encouragement you’re part of. Keep it safe and maybe it will be a small comfort for you on days when you’re feeling discouraged. Remember we’re here for you. Indeed we’ve got plenty of pom-poms to spare so you might want to take two – one to keep – and one to pass along to someone else who needs it. And if anyone joining us on Zoom today wants a pom-pom let us know in the chat or via email and I’ll save one for you too.
Mini-Reflection by Jane Blackall