{"id":792,"date":"2025-08-26T14:45:14","date_gmt":"2025-08-26T13:45:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.rebelrebel.org.uk\/?p=792"},"modified":"2025-08-26T14:45:15","modified_gmt":"2025-08-26T13:45:15","slug":"beautiful-questions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rebelrebel.org.uk\/?p=792","title":{"rendered":"Beautiful Questions"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Reflection #105 (1st June 2025 at Essex Church \/ Kensington Unitarians)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Questions, questions! We Unitarians tend to think of ourselves as people who love the questions \u2013 people who like to question everything \u2013 perhaps people who aren\u2019t satisfied with easy answers. So I don\u2019t imagine I\u2019m going to have to do a particularly hard-sell on the virtue of asking questions! But our service today is focused on beautiful<\/i> questions. What makes a question beautiful<\/i>, I wonder? <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

We just heard from Andjelka Jankovic, who said: \u2018A beautiful question always enlarges the context in which you\u2019re living \u2013 deepening the horizon \u2013 and taking you out of yourself and into yourself at the same time.\u2019 She goes further, saying this: \u2018A beautiful question is a gamechanger; a question that calls you to take notice. It opens a door to articulate your deepest longings and truths and wakes you up in a sea of how are yous<\/i>? Bringing you to a frontier where deeper intimacy is possible with yourself, the person asking, and the world.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s another take, from another contemplative blogger, Kim Manley Ort, who says: \u2018A beautiful question is ambitious [that is, it\u2019s challenging] and actionable [that is, it\u2019s doable]. It has the potential to shift our perceptions [and serves as a catalyst] to bring about change.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The premise of our service today is pretty simple: it\u2019s to encourage us all to intentionally develop this practice of asking beautiful questions. It\u2019s a practice \u2013 a skill and a habit \u2013 which can help us to grow in self-awareness, to cultivate deeper and more authentic relationships with others, and ultimately to bring about social change, and help build a better and more beautiful world. As such, I\u2019d say that beautiful questions are an important element of a life well-lived. And as the poet David Whyte has said: \u2018If you want a beautiful life, start asking beautiful questions.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are four different domains I want to highlight, in which we can ask beautiful questions (and of course we can also respond to those questions if we find ourselves on the receiving end of them). We can ask ourselves; we can ask other people (both friends and strangers); we can ask them of the groups we belong to (from particular communities, or institutions, to the wider society or even the nation we are part of); and we can ask them of God (or you might ask the Universe if you prefer). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, let\u2019s take each of those domains in turn, starting with the questions we ask of ourselves. We already heard from Sam Keen at the start of the service; he said: \u2018Our minds, bodies, feelings, relationships are all informed by our questions. What you ask is who you are. What you find depends on what you search for. And what shapes our lives are the questions we ask, refuse to ask, or never think of asking. The question is the helmsman of the consciousness.\u2019 He goes on: \u2018The first questions we must ask ourselves are “What’s my life about?”<\/i> and “What gives me meaning?”<\/i> Only after that should we ask “How do I make a living?”<\/i> and “How do I provide for myself?”<\/i>\u2026 And we all have great mythic questions to answer\u2026 “Where did I come from?” “Where am I going?” “What is of value?” “How am I wounded?” “How am I healed?” “Who are my people?” “What is my place?”\u2019<\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wonder how often you take time to stop and ask these sorts of questions of yourself? These are big<\/i> questions \u2013 quite challenging questions \u2013 but they can enable us to zoom out from all those day-to-day concerns and responsibilities that tend to occupy our brain space \u2013 such questions can help us to take an overview of our life, where we\u2019ve been, and where we might be headed. They can provoke us into life-changing insights and perhaps even liberate us from self-limiting stories. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One question I return to regularly is: \u2018what one thing can I do today to make my life a little bit better?\u2019<\/i> (or sometimes \u2018what one thing can I do this year to make my life a little bit better?\u2019<\/i>). I find that helpful in moments where I\u2019m feeling stuck, or overwhelmed, it helps me to move forward. Sometimes the answer I settle on is mundane \u2013 it might be \u2018tidy your room\u2019 or \u2018deal with that admin task you\u2019ve been putting off for months\u2019 \u2013 but I remember a time some years ago (when I\u2019d left my old job, didn\u2019t have a clue what I was going to do next, and was in a bit of a state about it all) when I asked myself that question and it led me to come up with a speculative ten-year plan for all the courses I wanted to go on which would culminate in me putting myself forward for ministry. There\u2019s something in asking these questions of ourselves which can invite us to think brand new thoughts. For some people the way to do this is through journalling; others don\u2019t get on with writing as a practice so they might take the question for a walk, or use some form of artistic expression. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s another form of self-questioning that various wise people have encouraged me to practice down the years. When I\u2019m telling a story about myself, or others, or the world, it is important to pause every now and then to check: \u2018is that true?\u2019, \u2018is there something I\u2019m not acknowledging?\u2019, \u2018might I be wrong?\u2019<\/i> David Whyte has also spoken about this, he says: \u2018One of the most beautifully disturbing questions we can ask, is whether a given story we tell about our lives is actually true, and whether the opinions we go over every day have any foundation, or are things we repeat to ourselves simply so that we will continue to play the game. It can be quite disorienting to find that a story we have relied on is not only not true \u2013 it actually never was true \u2013 not now, not ever\u2026 [but] one of the interesting mercies of this kind of questioning is that it is hard to lose by asking: if the story is still true, we will soon find out and can go back to telling it. If it is not we have turned the key, worked the hinges and walked out into the clear air again with a simple swing of the door.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you like the idea of working with such questions but you\u2019re stuck for inspiration there are plenty of prompts out there. Andjelka Jankovic has collected loads of beautiful questions from David Whyte, I\u2019ve put just a few in the order of service, and I\u2019ve linked to her original article on the website too, but as I read them out see if one leaps out as a question you could respond to in the week ahead. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s the question you don\u2019t want to ask?
\nWhat\u2019s on the other side of the question you\u2019ve refused to ask?
\nWhat helped you to get here that you need to give away?
\nWhat small thing can you do today that your future self will come back and thank you for?
\nWhat is on your to-do list that was put together by the person you were yesterday?
\nWhat promise did you make sincerely that you now need to let go of?
\nHow can you be friends with your longings? With what you want?
\nIn whose presence do you come alive?
\nWhat is your particular way of loving?
\nWhat is your next coming of age?\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe one of these questions speaks to your condition \u2013 you can sit with it in the week ahead \u2013 or perhaps another beautiful question has bubbled up, one that is more meaningful, and all your own. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not all about asking questions of yourself, of course; asking questions of others is a wonderful way to get to know and understand other people better, and to nurture meaningful connections. When I\u2019m trying to get to know people \u2013 and be known by them \u2013 I don\u2019t want us to stay on the surface too long. I\u2019m not that all that interested in small talk, exchanging run-of-the-mill opinions, and idle chit-chat. Those beautiful questions get us into the depths, talking about what\u2019s real, the stuff that really matters. They\u2019re an invitation to share something of our personal story. And, as Andjelka Jankovic said, sometimes we have to actively stop the flow of a conversation to interrupt it with a beautiful question \u2013 even if that feels a bit awkward or eccentric \u2013 if we want to take things to a deeper level. Like she said, \u2018we often don\u2019t have time or space in a conversation to pause and really be present with what question wants to be asked. When I overhear myself asking the same boring thing to a friend mid-sentence; I try to stop and recalibrate. Often I even say out loud, \u2018Wait, let me ask a more beautiful question\u2019<\/i> and then I try to [do so].\u2019 And we can do that too. Asking such questions of others, with care, can draw out the heart and strengthen connection. Though of course we need to give similar care and attention to listening to the response. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s another category of beautiful question we mustn\u2019t overlook: those questions that we address to the wider society \u2013 at the level of the state, or the institutions or groups we belong to \u2013 questions which arise out of critical thinking, a willingness to challenge authority, a refusal to take things at face value \u2013 and all in the service of truth and justice. Questions of \u2018why?\u2019 and \u2018why not?\u2019, \u2018How could we do things differently?\u2019, \u2018Whose interest is this in?\u2019 I was interested to recently hear of an organisation called \u2018The Right Question Institute\u2019 which aims to promote \u2018microdemocracy\u2019 and civic engagement by coaching young people to ask better questions. On their website it says: \u2018The transformational skill of asking questions enhances learning, promotes empowerment, and strengthens democracy. People\u2014including those furthest from power\u2014can use this skill to think and learn independently, participate meaningfully in decisions that affect them, and advocate on behalf of themselves, their families, and their communities.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s one more domain I want to mention. We can ask beautiful questions of God, in prayer. Or you can think of it as casting questions out into the Universe if God-language doesn\u2019t work for you. We might ask for guidance or direction \u2013 maybe in the spirit of \u2018help! What do I do now?\u2019 \u2013 maybe moral guidance in a thorny situation \u2013 or seeking direction regarding our calling and purpose in life. I\u2019m in the habit of praying in bed for five minutes or so after the alarm goes off and before I get up, and my prayers often include something along the lines of, \u2018right then God, what are we doing today?\u2019 Or sometimes \u2018What am I meant to be doing?\u2019, or \u2018What\u2019s the right thing to do in this situation?\u2019, or sometimes looking at the bigger picture and the longer term, \u2018Where are you calling me next?\u2019 Articulating these questions helps me to discern where best to put my energy, what my priorities should be, and also what burdens I can lay down and let go of (or at least park for another day). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want to close by returning to those words of Sam Keen (which, by the way, have been up on our Wayside Pulpit outside the church for quite a while): \u2018What shapes our lives are the questions we ask, refuse to ask, or never think of asking.\u2019 I really believe that to be true. And I\u2019ll share just a few more words of wisdom from David Whyte to encourage us in adopting this practice: \u2018The ability to ask beautiful questions, often in very unbeautiful moments, is one of the great disciplines of a human life. And a beautiful question starts to shape your identity as much by asking it, as it does by having it answered. You just have to keep asking. And before you know it, you will find yourself actually shaping a different life, meeting different people, finding conversations that are leading you in those directions that you wouldn\u2019t even have seen before.\u2019 So let\u2019s keep asking those beautiful questions, for the greater good of all. Amen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reflection by Jane Blackall<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n