{"id":772,"date":"2025-04-01T21:25:27","date_gmt":"2025-04-01T20:25:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.rebelrebel.org.uk\/?p=772"},"modified":"2025-04-01T21:25:28","modified_gmt":"2025-04-01T20:25:28","slug":"kinds-of-minds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rebelrebel.org.uk\/?p=772","title":{"rendered":"Kinds of Minds"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Reflection #101 (23rd March 2025 at Essex Church \/ Kensington Unitarians)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I said at the top of the service, this past week has been \u2018Neurodiversity Celebration Week\u2019, and so this morning we\u2019re exploring the premise that is simply stated by the autistic author Temple Grandin in words that are on the front of your order of service: \u2018The world needs all kinds of minds.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of the impetus behind tackling this theme today was a conversation I had with a friend recently \u2013 and I should probably say upfront that this is going to be perhaps a more personal reflection than usual \u2013 I am hoping it will be useful for me to share a little of my own first-hand experience on this occasion. So I was speaking to my friend \u2013 a new friend, someone I haven\u2019t known very long \u2013 and I mentioned in passing that I am autistic. And he replied \u2018you don\u2019t seem autistic, if you don\u2019t mind me saying\u2019. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

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Now, this is a completely understandable response, especially when you consider that he has only known me for about five minutes in the grand scheme of things, and I knew myself for at least 45 years before I even had the first inkling that I might be neurodivergent in some identifiable way. When my mate said \u2018you don\u2019t seem autistic\u2019, it was said completely straight, no sides, no unkindness or judgement either way. He\u2019s a lovely man and wasn\u2019t being funny \u2013 he was just surprised, I think \u2013 so I found myself trying to explain, off the cuff, what it is like (for me) to be autistic \u2013 how it shapes my experience of the world, how it creates some challenges, how I have found workarounds for some of those challenges and not for others, and how it absolutely comes with brilliant gifts and strengths too. Possibly I got a bit defensive about it. As you\u2019re probably aware, there has been a bit of a backlash lately to the increased diagnosis rates of autism and ADHD, a lot of scepticism, and I instinctively found myself trying to justify my diagnosis. I came away from that conversation thinking \u2018I didn\u2019t do a very good job of conveying what it\u2019s like to be me\u2019. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should acknowledge early on that this gulf of understanding \u2018what it\u2019s like to be me\u2019 is not just an issue between neurodivergent and neurotypical people, of course. I couldn\u2019t help thinking back to my old philosophy lectures (this may seem a bit of a leap!) and the famous essay by Thomas Nagel titled \u2018What is it Like to be a Bat?\u2019 (he means a bat in the sense of the little nocturnal flying mammal). In case you\u2019re not familiar with the article it uses this thought experiment of trying to imagine what it is like to be a bat to explore ideas about consciousness and the mind-body problem. I\u2019m not going to try and summarise the argument of that essay here (and it\u2019s not that pertinent but it\u2019s a fascinating read if you like that sort of thing!). However, it inspired me to think about some parallels that are relevant to our subject today, I reckon. If you try and imagine what it\u2019s like to be a bat, one thing you\u2019ve got to take into account is that, though they are mammals and as such they have a fair few things in common with us humans, the bat\u2019s primary method of perceiving the world through sonar and echolocation is so different from anything that most of us humans have direct experience of (though I have heard stories of humans who\u2019ve learned to echolocate through clicks!) But generally the neurological equipment of bats is so unlike ours that we can\u2019t truly know what it\u2019s like to be one. We can try to imagine \u2013 empathise with the bat \u2013 but our imagination will only take us so far. There\u2019s something about the subjective nature of their experience that is ultimately impossible to grasp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we bring our attention back to humans now, on the whole we haven\u2019t got such drastic and obvious differences between ourselves as there are between humans and bats (that seems a funny thing to say but stick with me if you can!) but still there is great diversity and variation in how we humans are wired up neurologically. You might think of it as us each having different operating systems \u2013 I\u2019m not sure how far we can stretch this metaphor! \u2013 but think of Windows computers versus Apple \u2013 or Android versus iPhones. In broad terms they do much the same thing but there are differences beneath the surface which bring their own advantages, disadvantages, and quirks, shall we say \u2013 there are often things you can do more easily on one than on the other \u2013 they\u2019re all configured slightly differently. And, broadly speaking, much the same goes for brains, it seems. But it is really hard to convey much about the workings of your own operating system to anybody else! In autistic circles a lot has been written about the \u2018double empathy problem\u2019; there\u2019s long been this widespread belief that autistic people have an impaired understanding of the thoughts and feelings of others, but these days it\u2019s starting to be acknowledged that any gap in understanding is mutual, it goes both ways. When people with very different experiences of the world interact with one another, they will struggle to empathise with each other, and that is just as much the case for neurotypical people, who often don\u2019t seem able to see that the neurodivergent way of being is just different, not wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It brings us back to this notion of subjectivity, and the ultimate unknowability of what it\u2019s like to be anybody other than ourselves (and the difficulty of grasping the built-in quirks, possibilities, gifts, limitations or constraints of any mind that is not our own). Rather than asking \u2018what is it like to be a bat?\u2019 in everyday life, we\u2019re trying to live alongside, and understand, other humans, so we\u2019re implicitly dealing with questions of \u2018what is it like to be Jane?\u2019 (or Emma, or Antony, or anyone else we\u2019re in relationship with). There is this invisible inner life, which we might attempt to convey to each other through language, but language is limited, and our own self-understanding may well be limited as well. We might easily go through life with no awareness that our neurological operating system is significantly different to anyone else\u2019s \u2013 just because we\u2019ve got nothing to compare it to! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And this is probably a good moment to remind ourselves that there are so many different modes of variation \u2013 so many \u2018kinds of minds\u2019 \u2013 though we might primarily be focusing on autism and ADHD as the ones that are increasingly making news headlines we could also be thinking about things like dyslexia, dyspraxia, OCD, PTSD even (we\u2019re increasingly thinking about trauma these days). Some definitions of neurodiversity are more inclusive and the boundaries of the concept are a bit fuzzy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Returning to my own story \u2013 like I said, I didn\u2019t realise I was autistic until very recently \u2013 it took me decades to even have an inkling, then I had to contend with long NHS waiting lists to be assessed, and I only got my formal diagnosis of ASD level 1 (formerly known as Asperger\u2019s) last September. For most of my life I\u2019ve been aware of my various peculiarities and difficulties but never previously saw them through that particular lens. It\u2019s not something that my parents would have had any awareness of back in the 1970s and as you may know a lot of women have gone undiagnosed in part because of differences of how autism tends to present in boys and girls. The family story was \u2018Jane\u2019s a bit funny\u2019 or \u2018Jane\u2019s a bit shy\u2019 \u2013 \u2018Jane is very fussy about her food\u2019 or \u2018Jane doesn\u2019t like parties\u2019 \u2013 sometimes put more negatively as \u2018Jane is antisocial (even rude)\u2019 or \u2018Jane is awkward and intense and won\u2019t just get along with others.\u2019 People who\u2019ve known me since I first came to this church in my mid-twenties will tell you that I hardly spoke a word to anyone back then. I sat at the back and lurked (and even to come into this unfamiliar space in the first place was a huge deal for me back then, though it got easier over time, as the familiarity, repetition, and routine help soothe me enormously). Over the years, I realise, I\u2019ve spent a lot of time on my own (I still do) because I get overwhelmed easily by so many everyday situations and experiences that other people seem to find neutral or enjoyable. Even when part of me wants to join in, I am always checking for an escape route or a pass option, and in situations where I can\u2019t see a way to bail out in an emergency, I often won\u2019t risk participating in the first place, for fear of having a meltdown and making an exhibition of myself (especially in situations where I\u2019m required to be the responsible adult in the room and I can\u2019t just run away!) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another dimension that I\u2019ve become aware of over the years is that \u2013 from the outside \u2013 I think it\u2019s been baffling to friends, colleagues, and tutors that there are things that I seem to be capable of doing sometimes, in certain circumstances \u2013 that I can sometimes do really well, and even enjoy \u2013 but at other times I become completely incapable, freeze up, grind to a halt, simply shut down and refuse. Often, when I\u2019ve got stuck on a task (especially a writing task) and a deadline approaches, people will say \u2018just do a half-arsed job of it to get it done\u2019, but that option somehow isn\u2019t available to me; it\u2019s like I need to complete some inner process and exhaustively work through all the connections in my mind before I can find any words at all to put down on the page. It\u2019s become apparent to me that sometimes it takes me a lot more time and energy to do a thing, including time around the thing to build myself up to it and recover afterwards, than others expect. I\u2019ve often worried that that this makes me come across as lazy or ill-disciplined or wilfully awkward (and maybe I overcompensate). I suppose the main take-home from this bit of my experience is that we just can\u2019t know how difficult (or easy) anyone else is finding things that we find easy (or difficult)! Or at least we can\u2019t tell by looking. But we can listen to what people tell us about their experience. And we can try to give people the support and accommodations that they need in order to flourish. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not every neurodivergent person has a formal diagnosis (nor wants one) \u2013 but many people (including me) have found it helpful to get an official confirmation of what they already kind-of knew about themselves. Diagnosis has helped my self-understanding \u2013 it has helped me to feel better about both my autistic struggles and my autistic gifts \u2013 it has put me in touch with a wider community of neurodivergent people who have similar experiences and that\u2019s been very validating and supportive. It\u2019s also helped me to get clearer on what support I might need in order to manage everyday tasks a bit better, and it\u2019s empowered me to rearrange my life and work accordingly, and ask for some of the accommodations that would make a real difference. And often the accommodations are really small changes (to do with transport, or food, or allowing for time-out) which might seem slightly odd to others, but are hardly any trouble to put into place, and they remove significant sources of stress. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For years I wanted to be a minister but couldn\u2019t see how I could possibly cope with the expectations placed on a minister\u2019s life. There seemed be just one model of ministry, one way of doing things, and you could either do it that way \u2013 conform to the norm \u2013 or not do it at all. I felt so torn. I was sure that I was called to ministry and had something useful to offer but I feared that trying to conform to the traditional way of doing things would break me. Thankfully here at Essex Church I have been very lucky to have such an understanding committee, who have been flexible and supportive, and made accommodations which enable me to flourish. Without them I just wouldn\u2019t be able to do ministry. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I\u2019m really aware of all those people who are not so lucky \u2013 people who have got incredible gifts to offer to the world, but who are prevented from doing so \u2013 largely dis-abled by arbitrary and unnecessary assumptions, norms, and conventions about how things should be done \u2013 or by the reluctance to make the often quite simple accommodations which would en-able them to flourish. This is, of course, a justice issue. We can collectively choose to give people the support they need. And unfortunately, it\u2019s a very live issue right now, in light of the appalling culture wars being stoked around autism and ADHD, and our government\u2019s proposed cuts to benefits for disabled people. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s just too much to say about this topic! But perhaps the most important thing to take away is, as ever, an affirmation of our shared humanity, and the inherent worth and dignity of every person. Each one of us carries the divine light within. So let\u2019s do what we can to embrace diversity in all its forms, encourage flourishing, and enable everybody\u2019s light to shine. In that spirit I\u2019m going to close with an adapted prayer-poem by Erina Kim-Eubanks, titled \u2018For a House We Can All Live In\u2019. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

God of creativity \u2013 of diversity, multiplicity, and accessibility,\nYou say in your house are many rooms.\nYou build a space where all can dwell\nand live exactly as who we are \u2013 without shame.\n\nSo forgive us for the ways that we have shut out and shut in \u2013 \nfor making barriers to your presence,\ncreating hierarchies of bodies and minds,\nand building environments that are disabling.\n\nHelp us co-create with you a house that welcomes the fullness of our selves \u2013 \nspaces that are accessible and psychologically safe \u2013 \nwelcoming of neurodiversity, acknowledging the wholeness of who we are,\nour complete need for each other, and every gift we bring.\n\nMay your way \u2013 in which every kind of mind, body, and spirit\nare honoured as valuable and good \u2013 \nbe made manifest in our world,\nso that all your children have room to flourish. \n\nMay it be so for the greater good of all. Amen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reflection by Jane Blackall<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n