![\"Help](\"http:\/\/www.rebelrebel.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/7319871_s-300x200.jpg\")
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Sermon #53 (19th September 2021 at Essex Church \/ Kensington Unitarians)<\/strong><\/p>\n Earlier in the year, following the retirement of our minister, we decided to start a new venture \u2013 a Pastoral Network \u2013 in hope of being a bit more intentional about sharing out the responsibility for pastoral care in the congregation, during this time of transition, and hopefully for the long-term too. This isn\u2019t something we\u2019ve done before, and though we did our homework, and sought advice, being eager to learn about how this sort of thing works in other churches, it also got us reflecting on our own prior experiences of giving and receiving support \u2013 that is, the seven of us who are currently involved in running the Pastoral Network: me, Jeannene, Chlo\u00eb, Sonya, Pat, Marianne, and Michaela \u2013 over the summer we got into an important conversation together about the relationship between \u2018the helper\u2019 and \u2018the helped\u2019 and how, in the end, we are all a bit of both. Some days we\u2019re more aware of our struggles and needs, and we\u2019re the one crying for help, other days we\u2019re more aware of our strengths and gifts, and we\u2019re in a position to respond to others\u2019 cries. Perhaps most days we might find ourselves a mixture, somewhere in the middle.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n That was the key thing that came out of the conversation in our Pastoral Network meeting and the insight that inspired the topic of this service. None of us thought of ourselves as specially set apart \u2018helpers\u2019 \u2013 just by virtue of being human, we all have plenty of our own troubles to worry about \u2013 ultimately we\u2019re just as much in need of help as anyone who might come to us for a listening ear. So we know how hard it can sometimes be to reach out and ask for the help we need when we are struggling \u2013 especially if we feel like we\u2019re the only one \u2013 if we\u2019ve got the (probably mistaken) impression that everyone else seems to be coping just fine with everything life throws at them.<\/p>\n The reading we just heard, by Erika Hewitt, highlighted one of the things that might sometimes inhibit us from asking for the help we need: this sense we might have that others have got it worse, so we\u2019re not entitled to make a fuss, and we ought to suck it up or \u2018keep calm and carry on\u2019 without \u2018bothering\u2019 anyone; as Erika Hewitt\u2019s friend said, after her toddler had a meltdown, which pushed her over the limit: \u2018I work with a woman who lived through the Bosnian war, and she\u2019s still smiling, so I figure I should be able to do this, I should be grateful and stop complaining.\u2019 But as Hewitt reflects, \u2018Pain is the most common human experience\u2026 [and also] the human experience we most exert ourselves dismissing or secreting away\u2014for many reasons, real and imagined. What a loss it is to diminish our sorrow or fear, rather than bringing it to the companions and helpers that we trust, and to the proving ground of vulnerability between us.\u2019<\/p>\n So perhaps that\u2019s the first part of this morning\u2019s \u2013 pretty simple \u2013 message: an encouragement to be authentic with each other about the realities of our lives, in all their complicated shadings, and not to pretend we\u2019re OK when we\u2019re not. To cry out for help when we are in pain or distress. Our sufferings, our vulnerabilities, often turn out to be our deepest points of human connection. But a lot depends on how we respond when we hear another\u2019s cry for help. When someone is struggling, even if they reach out to us, it is not always obvious what sort of help is needed.<\/p>\n When I was preparing this service I was reminded of this lovely cartoon from thingswithout.com (which describes itself as \u2018a comic about creatures who are kind\u2019 \u2013 my favourite sort of comic). One creature says \u2018I have a sad\u2019 and the other asks \u2018are you looking for solutions or comfort?\u2019 The sad creature replies \u2018I would like to be angry, then sad, then comforted, then adventure for solutions, then giggles\u2019 to which his excellent friend and helper enthusiastically says \u2018let\u2019s start!\u2019<\/p>\n This little cartoon tells us something important, I think. For many of us, when someone comes and tells us of their pain and distress, or some difficult stuff that\u2019s going on in their lives, there\u2019s an understandable human urge that arises to want to \u2018fix\u2019 the problem that we\u2019re hearing about. We might have an urge to offer advice, or share similar experiences that we\u2019ve been through, and it\u2019s not that these responses are necessarily wrong, but they\u2019re not always what is required. Often the person coming to us in pain might want, primarily, to be heard; to have their story listened to, and empathised with, to experience a sense that their suffering has been witnessed. As in our first reading, by Richard Gilbert, maybe someone needs us to stop and help them cry. Sometimes the person might be looking for practical help or advice, sometimes for distraction, sometimes simply for human connection and a sense of solidarity through the struggles of life. If in doubt, it doesn\u2019t hurt to ask: \u2018Do you want me to get involved, offer advice, or just listen?\u2019 I expect most of us here this morning are familiar with the Golden Rule \u2013 \u2018Treat others as you would wish to be treated\u2019 \u2013 but I don\u2019t know how many are familiar with the Platinum Rule? \u2018Treat others as they would wish to be treated\u2019. Take the time to find out about their needs. Their preferences.<\/p>\n So perhaps that\u2019s the second key part of this morning\u2019s message \u2013 when we hear another\u2019s cry for help let\u2019s be sensitive about how we respond \u2013 rather than assuming we know what\u2019s best. At the same time, though, we need to be honest about what sort of help we\u2019ve got it in us to give. If, in the moment we hear someone else\u2019s cry for help, our own resources are particularly low, we\u2019d better not over-promise about how much support we\u2019re realistically going to be able to offer. And that\u2019s something I\u2019ve been especially aware of since the early days of the pandemic: pre-2020 I always tended to think \u2018well, I\u2019m having a bad day, but there are loads of people I could text to share my woes and get support, we\u2019re not all going to be having a meltdown at the same time\u2019. But last year when the pandemic struck, and it seemed like the end of the world as we knew it, we were all having a meltdown at the same time, and many of us didn\u2019t have much surplus \u2018cope\u2019 to spare. And although, to some extent, many of us have got accustomed to the \u2018new normal\u2019 since then, I still get the impression that the cumulative impact of the last eighteen months has left us weary and spread rather thin. So it seems wise to check in with ourselves and make an honest assessment of our limits as a helper \u2013 especially as, at any given moment, we are likely to be dealing with our own \u2018stuff\u2019 too \u2013 we are each, after all, both helper and helped, so we need to keep an eye on our own self-care needs too.<\/p>\n That\u2019s the third and final bit of my message for you today \u2013 yes, let\u2019s help each other as best we can, but let\u2019s also accept our human limits in the face of the endless need we\u2019re all too aware of in this broken, hurting world \u2013 and, in moments when it\u2019s all too much for us to carry, let us cry out in prayer and lamentation, to the One who holds all in Love.<\/p>\n To borrow a famous phrase from Martin Luther King, we are all caught in an \u2018inescapable network of mutuality\u2019 with all humanity \u2013 and indeed with all creation \u2013 in an interdependent web of life. Each of us both helper and helped; the one who cries out in pain and the one who hears the cry. And all of us, held in a larger reality in which we live and move and have our being \u2013 and in which we can perhaps find some ultimate solace \u2013 that source of all being which some of us call God.<\/p>\n In that spirit I\u2019d like to end this reflection with a reprise of those words from George Odell that we heard earlier on, from today\u2019s meditation, \u2018We Need One Another\u2019. And I\u2019m going to put them up on screen now, and invite you to speak them out loud, as an acknowledgement of the struggles we all face in life, and an affirmation of the great gifts we can be to each other, if we have the courage to be vulnerable, and we open ourselves to give and receive in a spirit of love.<\/p>\n We need one another when we mourn and would be comforted.<\/p>\n We need one another when we are in trouble and afraid.<\/p>\n We need one another when we are in despair, in temptation We need one another when we would accomplish We need one another in the hour of success, We need one another in the hour of defeat, We need one another to remind us that All our lives we are in need and others are in need of us. Amen.<\/p>\n Sermon by Jane Blackall<\/strong><\/p>\n An audio recording of this sermon is available:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n
\nand need to be recalled to our best selves again.<\/p>\n
\nsome great purpose, and cannot do it alone.<\/p>\n
\nwhen we look for someone to share our triumphs with.<\/p>\n
\nwhen with encouragement we might endure and stand again.<\/p>\n
\nwe share this journey of life as we share the earth our home.<\/p>\n